summer na e, ‘di ba?
i believe that summer has started a couple of weeks back . . . it’s just that i haven’t been feeling one of the perks of summer . . . umm, less traffic, i mean? especially during rush hour . . .
i had been looking forward for summer . . . i thought traffic at edsa will be less but no . . . i was wrong . . . traffic got worse. i was thinking, since it’s summer . . . many families will grab the opportunity to go on vacation thus, decongesting metro manila . . . bakit walang nagbabakasyon???
hey, don’t tell me people postponed their vacation plans for the coming may elections, ha . . . are filipinos that concerned? haha . . .
oh well . . . since election is coming near . . . might as well ask a favor from you, guys . . . i’m quite involved in the campaign of joker arroyo as senator. so for the registered voters out there, could you vote for him, please? he’s a vote shy kasi . . . i’m not registered . . . haha . . . actually, there are 2 more senatoriables we’re, in a way, involved in the campaign . . . but i guess i’ll just create a blog later regarding this election thingy i got involved with. basta take note: "’pag bad ka, lagot ka . . ." haha . . . anyone interested for joker arroyo campaign materials? i’ve got tons . . . just tell me if you want some . . . i’ve got shirts, baller id’s, fans, posters, calendars, and tarps . . .
–GI 30682
Travel | Comment (0)weird
well i know i’ve told a couple of people that my sister and nephew has already flown to the united states to live there as american citizens together with my brother-in-law. my parents flew with them to help them settle down well first. and so, it’s just me and my brother here in the philippines . . . free at last, huh . . . haha
i don’t know . . . it was kinda weird, actually. as the days drew near of their flight to america, everything just seemed so ordinary for me . . . or maybe, i was just also too occupied with regard to the other things i have in mind . . . my longtime prayer and all that, maybe.
the day came and i was, in a way, lost. maybe, i was in denial that time . . . i’ve been satisfying myself it’s just a vacation they’re having and my brother and i are left here in manila to man the house.
i remember the moment at the airport. i was fighting the tears as i bid farewell to my parents . . . right, as if they’re the ones whom i shall never see after a month . . . the thing with my sister . . . maybe we just we’re quite cowards . . . you know, acting to be brave when deep inside you know you might choke. my sister and i just kinda waved to each other as our "goodbye . . . until next time . . ."
i’m not sure if my brother noticed i was fighting my tears when we were on our way home. that time, i had that weird feeling . . . i felt it was the last time i’m gonna see my sister and nephew. i was thinking . . . the next time they see me . . . maybe it’s because i’ve already gone and left this world. morbid? but that’s how i felt.
upon arriving home . . . i just stayed for some time inside my sister’s room . . . realizing things will never be the same again . . . the next day was quite gloomy . . . quiet . . . not hearing the voice of your nephew there to ruin your morning because of his loud voice . . .
right now, i’m gripping with it. maybe because i’m fooling myself by thinking that they’re just in the states for a vacation. but i know it will again sink deeper . . . by the time my parents arrive home . . .
change topic . . .
guys, can i ask you to continue praying for my personal intention? you know, i was happy last friday . . . in a way, you can say god has given me a taste of an answered prayer of mine. i’d love to hope it’s the start . . . that time is near until he completely gives or grants me my longtime prayer . . . to think it was friday the thirteenth that day . . . an unlucky day has turned out to be one great day for me . . .
today turned out to be a good day as well . . . you know, i really would love to believe that my answered prayer is coming near . . . help me pray for it, please?
–GI 30682
thoughts | Comment (0)happy easter na lang . . .
first of all, i would like to greet everyone a happy easter . . . although such a positive greeting seems not suitable to come from me . . .
you know what they always tell you? god helps those who help themselves . . . what if you have felt you have exhausted every option for your petition and still it seems not answered . . . how would you feel?
fine . . . i would hope . . . and pray . . . that it eventually will come . . . i just pray that when it comes . . . i am still around to savor it . . .
you know, i listen to this song everyday . . . it is my very sentiment lately . . . every word in the lyrics suggest my true feelings . . .
Turn back the Clock
by: Johnny Hates Jazz
Another day is ended, and I still cant sleep
Remembering my yesterdays, I begin to weep
If I could have it over, live my life again
I wouldnt change a single day
(chorus)
I wish that I could turn back the clock, bring the wheels of time to stop
Back to the days when life was so much better
Lying here in silence, picture in my hand
Of a boy I still resemble, but I no longer understand
And as the tears run freely, how I realise they were the best years of my life
(chorus)
You might say its just, a case of giving up
No, but without these memories where is the love
Where is the love
If I could have it over, live my life again
I wouldnt change a single day
(chorus)
Why cant I turn back the clock, bring the wheels of time to a stop
Back to the days, oh no no
I remember when, life was so good
I’d go back If I could, oh oh I wouldnt change a single day
Dont let the memories slip away, I wouldnt change a single day
Dont let the memories slip away
oh well, i wish i would have my own easter soon . . . my own resurrection from the dead . . .
so, what now? just continue praying for me, i guess . . .
–GI 30682
thoughts | Comment (0)
psalm 22:1-2
t’s the holy week . . . and if there’s one person who may be experiencing her own lent . . . it has to be me.
i don’t know . . . i just really don’t know this feeling i have right now. the feeling that god seems not minding you . . . that he’s not listening.
my long time prayer . . . it was that important to me. what’s the big deal? it’s a prayer that’s important to be heard for me . . . why? because that prayer is basically an answer with regard to how i wanted to live my life in this world . . . how i want to be remembered in this world . . . what i consider as my purpose in this world.
i told a couple of people with regard to what i was really praying for . . . people whom i trust to be those who’d undestand the real sentiment of my prayer . . . the fear for it not being heard . . . i was hurting really . . . for i knew the prayer is not selfish in nature . . . and these people agreed of the real intention of the prayer.
i couldn’t continue with life . . . my prayer is the prerequisite of all things i need to deal and focus on. that prayer . . . is basically a prayer that determines the foundation of how i wanted to exist in this world.
i’m hurting . . . enough to question how merciful god can be. if he understands the intention and the pureness of it . . . he could have answered a long way back . . . if he knew how much important it would have been to me . . . he would have done so.
i’m sorry for questioning his existence and if he really is loving after all. believe me, i myself wouldn’t want to say or write these things i’m doing right now . . . i studied at a catholic school . . . my religion and the very foundation of it has been taught to me really well. everything about religion that can be taught by the book i know . . . and so with regard to practicing my faith . . . i should really know, right?
i may not be best model for a true catholic but i believe i’m not a bad child of god. i’ve done my best to practice my faith . . . believe me, until now, i do everything the church has been teaching us . . . but please, don’t blame me if i start asking if he really answers prayers.
i also used to say to people to always trust and believe in god . . . because he’s always there. i don’t know if i can still say that. well yes, i can, for the sake of boosting the morale of other people but then, can i be credible for doing so since i, myself, am quite questioning his mercy.
i realized it’s easy to say things like that . . . but when you’re at that point of really experiencing that feeling of having been abandoned by him . . . i guess you’d then understand what i’m truly feeling.
although i’m doing my best to live life the way the church has been teaching us, i’m sorry . . . i’m not a saint. i’m still human . . . and it’s my being human that i’m hurt . . . hurting enough to ask why does it seem that i’m not being listened to by the one above?
i’m now just a 90lb. weakling . . . i still have little hope left that god will still answer my longtime prayer . . . i would love to hope on that. just like this season of lent, i wish i could have my own easter. god knows how i’ve lived my life as a child of god . . . how thankful i’d always been for his blessings . . . it’s just now that it pains me when the most important thing to you seems something that god wouldn’t want to give.
guys, please continue praying for me . . . as well as that longtime prayer of mine to be heard . . . it would really mean a lot . . . it’s the only answer for my health to be back as well as my jolly self . . .
off topic: tomorrow, my sister and nephew will already be leaving for the states. i realized it’s maundy thursday today and what entered my mind as we were having dinner a while ago . . . it’s our last supper together . . . as one whole family . . .
oh well . . . i just wish god could just allow me to be happy already by hearing that prayer . . . *sigh*
by the way, you know the verses i’ve placed in this blog’s title? that’s basically my sentiment right now . . .
–GI 30682
thoughts | Comment (0)